But if you flip the problem, you’ll realize that most of the dual income necessity stems from the younger generation inability to delay gratification.
In general they want a brand new car and a 4 bed 2 bath house right after college, preferably in their parents’ middle class neighborhood.
I worked 4 years and saved for a 20% down payment on a house in a OK part of town, couldn’t afford the suburbs.
6 years later sold right before the 2008 crash and bought my current house at half price. Still there 15 years later even though it’s paid for and I can afford a house twice the size.
Driving older nicer cars, trucks and SUVs. Never owned a new car. Never wanted the approval and envy of the Joneses. That’s how you build wealth and get ahead. “The millionaire next door” should be a required reading.
You definitely make a good point about a lack of delayed gratification. I wonder why it's so hard to resist. Maybe the influence of social media and the constant "need" to appear well off.
One of my character weaknesses is that I'm shit at resisting the urge to buy nice things. It sounds like you're better at saving and budgeting than I am.
"In general they want a brand new car and a 4 bed 2 bath house right after college, preferably in their parents’ middle class neighborhood."
You're basically describing my sister. She's paying $2,800 a month to live in a nice Colorado neighborhood and drive a new truck. Very tough to save for a down payment under those conditions.
Social media is definitely a factor in people's decisions what to buy abs where to vacation. Trips are the only thing I splurge for. Some people think it's a waste, just like I think a new car is stupid unless you're a millionaire. To everyone their own. Also, don't get me started on student debt... "Borrowed future" is an easy watch and they should show it in high school.
The student loan problem is massive, but I don't entirely blame the students. Teenagers aren't geniuses, and when all of society pushes you in a certain direction it can be quite hard to ignore.
I like the idea of student loan debt being dischargable in bankruptcy. Or only having to pay back debt when the student is earning an income above a certain threshold. That would make lenders far more selective and change the entire dynamics of university. Underwater basket weaving and French medieval literature would be gone as majors.
Exactly! How come you can't discharge them?! Because they're mostly backed by the government, just like you can't discharge IRS liens... Government is the biggest thief, made worse by the fact that they make the rules too.
A better lever, I think, re student loans would be to make the schools do the lending--and DON'T let the gov't back them. Things would tighten up nicely.
Nobody guarantees the 8 billion people a level of prosperity we’re enjoying in the US. Life is unfair and tough and nobody can legislate or lift you into prosperity. Sorry to burst your dreams.
Great article Unhedged. I'm well on the other end of life but I appreciate the sentiments. There must be lots of retired couples in your neighborhood making their various pensions go further. Come to think of it I have a friend who went to Ecuador 10 years ago. He's now in his late 70s. He has a local bride 20 years his junior and sounds happy when we talk.
I wish you'd expand on the thought about cost of university now vs. long ago. I worked my way thru undergrad, living at home, with a part time job paying $3 an hour. The education inflation has been criminal.
There are plenty of retired couples around. While in some cases it's a man married to an Asian woman, there are also lots of western couples who have moved here.
"I worked my way thru undergrad, living at home, with a part time job paying $3 an hour."
Literally unbelievable... It's a different reality, isn't it?
Oh, how silly. The why is irrelevant here, but in only 3 or 4 years since I moved to Michigan and earned an MBA did I earn above the poverty rate, while my wife of 37 years stayed home to raise our four surviving children. I did get some financial help from my parents in buying our houses (in succession) and in buying a self-storage business. However, my wife and I have done things like shopping at thrifts and growing a garden and mowing our own lawn. We have grown as evangelical Christians. Oh, and we have consistently given more than 10% to our church and numerous charities. We paid off our mortgages and our business loans and have been debt free since selling my business in 2019. I have invented a windmill which I plan to bring to market, and plan to supplement our Social Security by resuming substitute teaching once I finish my course of radiation treatment for non-metastatic cancer. Your claim: "According to the BLS the median projected salary in America for 2023 is $57,200. The very notion that a man earning $57k per year can support himself, a stay at home wife and a few younglings is laughable" is itself laughable to our family. -- /S/ Free and clear in Indiana
Well, you got me David! I didn't think it was really possible but there you go. I'm glad you've found a way to make it work and you've found a partner who is excited to go on that journey. I wish you the best 🙏
Great article, so much better than the “passport bros are problematic” articles found on medium. I 100% agree with you that the issue is economic, but I think that’s only half the issue. The other issue is cultural. Women, particularly in certain regions of the US, are taught that they don’t need men for anything anymore. Plus, since they make money of their own, they can have certain demands, such as a guy being a certain height. But the issue is only a small minority of men would meet their stated requirements. And if a man gets the nerve to approach her, the woman sits back and has him do all the work, even when she’s receptive. “Entertain me, stooge monkey!” And if he messes up? Oh well, next! I’ve seen this all first hand, not only in my own experiences, but also my friend’s experiences, too. Entitled, demanding and stuck up are good words to describe a lot of them, in a dating context. It’s far too much aggravation for too little gain.
I’m one of the single men who makes $250,000/year. Been overseas many times and I can say without a doubt that dating is simply far easier there. Tinder actually works, ghosting is almost non-existent and communication is far easier, even if there’s a language barrier. There’s a whole world out there to explore and don’t see why single men have to subject themselves to this suffering if things are not working out for them. Good luck to you and thank you for a well thought out post!
Medium is a not a place for serious discussion, of this I'm certain.
Thanks for comment! I'm glad you enjoyed the article.
One of my weaknesses in writing this article is that I haven't had much experience dating American women in the past decade. My last girlfriends have been Dutch, Russian, Filipino and Indonesian.
I'm moving back to America next year so it will be interesting to see what my experience with American women is like.
That's a fantastic salary you've got and I can only imagine the lifestyle you'd have if you took it overseas! Wish you all the best finding an awesome woman to have in your life, wherever she happens to hail from.
It’s not true that women aren’t interested in average men. The problem is average men with bad attitudes and shallow desires wanting 10s. Go on the comment section of videos about this and see a bunch of men complain about “mid”(also average) women. They are also ugly inside and out but surprised women don’t want them. Average men still find wives in the U.S. but they have good personalities.
You watch too much redpill. These fake surveys are just such crap. There are many short, average looking, low wage men finding girlfriends and wives. Unattractive inside and out men seek out women far above their looks level and then play victim when they are rejected.
I make the point all of the time, that most economic and social problems in the US can be linked to the need for dual income households. We are putting a 4 month old into daycare three days a week, which is half our mortgage payment. If either of us earned $250k plus, we would have the other stay home (I would crush stay at home dad life). Its crazy.
Indeed.. One of the many diversions I didn't have time to bring up in this article is perhaps making childcare more affordable could be one small step towards making family life more accessible in America.
The necessity of a dual income is a tragedy. It's so sad that a mom or dad can't afford to stay home to raise a kid if the other partner is only earning an average or moderately above average salary.
One thing the men complaining about modern women don’t acknowledge is that part of that modern mindset means a high income woman will accept a stay at home husband in the U.S. I know some myself. The men aren’t bums. They handle the household duties well and are loved and respected by their wives. One is my brother and he’s president of the PTA at his kids school where he is basically king lol. Everyone loves him and his wife brags about his amazing cooking and how lucky she is.
My brother in law married a Philippino woman who is a Canadian citizen. He says he is going to retire there with $100k and SS. Live great near Illio city. Her family well educated, loves him.
If he's retiring to the Phillies with $100k a year he's going to live like a king.
Many of the Asian women I've met are well educated. This was another topic I didn't have time to cover either. My last girlfriend had a master's degree, she had imbibed more university than I!
$100k nest egg and $2k +/- a month from SS. But...he already has family there and a place to live. Biggest beef? Has to put up with sugar ants everywhere. Heck he'll be a step ahead of the WEF by just drinking them with his coffee!
Solid analysis and I would add many men don’t consider that they approach dating in the Western world with a poor attitude and expectation of problems whereas they approach foreign women with optimism and are quick to dismiss bad experiences of others or even themselves as isolated incidents.
I’m married and I avoided all the hassles by using discernment to eliminate low quality potential partners quickly(first sign of entitlement or untrustworthy behavior). Only took my 3rd ever relationship to find my spouse and over 10 years later, we’ve purchased a home, lived as digital nomads and are happier and more in love than ever.
Go wherever you want but it’s not a struggle if you choose women worthy of your time and energy. OnlyFans girls are getting money from some of the same dudes yelling about traditional wives.
I think more affordable quality childcare is a huge issue and sorely lacking in this country, as you and a reader noted. I also think keep mind in USA there is a social stigma against a parent staying home to take care of a child, be it a man or a woman. Many women love their work and get great gratification from their careers. I know some men who are staying home with the kids when a woman is earning enough income, and they’re very happy. Finally, sometimes you just gotta live where you gotta live. Then you figure it out, but it can be exceedingly difficult in these times, and sadly almost impossible to build savings or eventually purchase a home.
I'm going to live in a van down by the river and survive off a steady diet of government cheese.
As other commenters on this article noted, the inability for one parent to stay is quite sad. It's not the best scenario for the kiddos. And I hadn't even considered the expense of childcare.
America has become a playground for the wealthy while the middle-class falls into obscurity, unfortunately.
But if you flip the problem, you’ll realize that most of the dual income necessity stems from the younger generation inability to delay gratification.
In general they want a brand new car and a 4 bed 2 bath house right after college, preferably in their parents’ middle class neighborhood.
I worked 4 years and saved for a 20% down payment on a house in a OK part of town, couldn’t afford the suburbs.
6 years later sold right before the 2008 crash and bought my current house at half price. Still there 15 years later even though it’s paid for and I can afford a house twice the size.
Driving older nicer cars, trucks and SUVs. Never owned a new car. Never wanted the approval and envy of the Joneses. That’s how you build wealth and get ahead. “The millionaire next door” should be a required reading.
Yes, it's a great book. I've read it twice.
You definitely make a good point about a lack of delayed gratification. I wonder why it's so hard to resist. Maybe the influence of social media and the constant "need" to appear well off.
One of my character weaknesses is that I'm shit at resisting the urge to buy nice things. It sounds like you're better at saving and budgeting than I am.
"In general they want a brand new car and a 4 bed 2 bath house right after college, preferably in their parents’ middle class neighborhood."
You're basically describing my sister. She's paying $2,800 a month to live in a nice Colorado neighborhood and drive a new truck. Very tough to save for a down payment under those conditions.
Social media is definitely a factor in people's decisions what to buy abs where to vacation. Trips are the only thing I splurge for. Some people think it's a waste, just like I think a new car is stupid unless you're a millionaire. To everyone their own. Also, don't get me started on student debt... "Borrowed future" is an easy watch and they should show it in high school.
The student loan problem is massive, but I don't entirely blame the students. Teenagers aren't geniuses, and when all of society pushes you in a certain direction it can be quite hard to ignore.
I like the idea of student loan debt being dischargable in bankruptcy. Or only having to pay back debt when the student is earning an income above a certain threshold. That would make lenders far more selective and change the entire dynamics of university. Underwater basket weaving and French medieval literature would be gone as majors.
Exactly! How come you can't discharge them?! Because they're mostly backed by the government, just like you can't discharge IRS liens... Government is the biggest thief, made worse by the fact that they make the rules too.
A better lever, I think, re student loans would be to make the schools do the lending--and DON'T let the gov't back them. Things would tighten up nicely.
Oh yes, that's for damn sure. I imagine gender studies, French medieval literature and underwater basket weaving would disappear overnight...
What was the world population at the time of your birth? Asking for 8 billion friends looking for the same finite resources
Nobody guarantees the 8 billion people a level of prosperity we’re enjoying in the US. Life is unfair and tough and nobody can legislate or lift you into prosperity. Sorry to burst your dreams.
Social Darwinism is a great look. What a chode take.
Great article Unhedged. I'm well on the other end of life but I appreciate the sentiments. There must be lots of retired couples in your neighborhood making their various pensions go further. Come to think of it I have a friend who went to Ecuador 10 years ago. He's now in his late 70s. He has a local bride 20 years his junior and sounds happy when we talk.
I wish you'd expand on the thought about cost of university now vs. long ago. I worked my way thru undergrad, living at home, with a part time job paying $3 an hour. The education inflation has been criminal.
There are plenty of retired couples around. While in some cases it's a man married to an Asian woman, there are also lots of western couples who have moved here.
"I worked my way thru undergrad, living at home, with a part time job paying $3 an hour."
Literally unbelievable... It's a different reality, isn't it?
Oh, how silly. The why is irrelevant here, but in only 3 or 4 years since I moved to Michigan and earned an MBA did I earn above the poverty rate, while my wife of 37 years stayed home to raise our four surviving children. I did get some financial help from my parents in buying our houses (in succession) and in buying a self-storage business. However, my wife and I have done things like shopping at thrifts and growing a garden and mowing our own lawn. We have grown as evangelical Christians. Oh, and we have consistently given more than 10% to our church and numerous charities. We paid off our mortgages and our business loans and have been debt free since selling my business in 2019. I have invented a windmill which I plan to bring to market, and plan to supplement our Social Security by resuming substitute teaching once I finish my course of radiation treatment for non-metastatic cancer. Your claim: "According to the BLS the median projected salary in America for 2023 is $57,200. The very notion that a man earning $57k per year can support himself, a stay at home wife and a few younglings is laughable" is itself laughable to our family. -- /S/ Free and clear in Indiana
Good point. Get the hell out of pricey coastal cities and mountain resort towns.
Well, you got me David! I didn't think it was really possible but there you go. I'm glad you've found a way to make it work and you've found a partner who is excited to go on that journey. I wish you the best 🙏
No, he didn’t get you. He proved your point. He casually admits he needed mommy and daddy’s help but still takes credit for making it work.
The “helped you buy a home and business” makes your point moot. You couldn’t do it without parental help.
Great article, so much better than the “passport bros are problematic” articles found on medium. I 100% agree with you that the issue is economic, but I think that’s only half the issue. The other issue is cultural. Women, particularly in certain regions of the US, are taught that they don’t need men for anything anymore. Plus, since they make money of their own, they can have certain demands, such as a guy being a certain height. But the issue is only a small minority of men would meet their stated requirements. And if a man gets the nerve to approach her, the woman sits back and has him do all the work, even when she’s receptive. “Entertain me, stooge monkey!” And if he messes up? Oh well, next! I’ve seen this all first hand, not only in my own experiences, but also my friend’s experiences, too. Entitled, demanding and stuck up are good words to describe a lot of them, in a dating context. It’s far too much aggravation for too little gain.
I’m one of the single men who makes $250,000/year. Been overseas many times and I can say without a doubt that dating is simply far easier there. Tinder actually works, ghosting is almost non-existent and communication is far easier, even if there’s a language barrier. There’s a whole world out there to explore and don’t see why single men have to subject themselves to this suffering if things are not working out for them. Good luck to you and thank you for a well thought out post!
Medium is a not a place for serious discussion, of this I'm certain.
Thanks for comment! I'm glad you enjoyed the article.
One of my weaknesses in writing this article is that I haven't had much experience dating American women in the past decade. My last girlfriends have been Dutch, Russian, Filipino and Indonesian.
I'm moving back to America next year so it will be interesting to see what my experience with American women is like.
That's a fantastic salary you've got and I can only imagine the lifestyle you'd have if you took it overseas! Wish you all the best finding an awesome woman to have in your life, wherever she happens to hail from.
It’s not true that women aren’t interested in average men. The problem is average men with bad attitudes and shallow desires wanting 10s. Go on the comment section of videos about this and see a bunch of men complain about “mid”(also average) women. They are also ugly inside and out but surprised women don’t want them. Average men still find wives in the U.S. but they have good personalities.
You watch too much redpill. These fake surveys are just such crap. There are many short, average looking, low wage men finding girlfriends and wives. Unattractive inside and out men seek out women far above their looks level and then play victim when they are rejected.
I make the point all of the time, that most economic and social problems in the US can be linked to the need for dual income households. We are putting a 4 month old into daycare three days a week, which is half our mortgage payment. If either of us earned $250k plus, we would have the other stay home (I would crush stay at home dad life). Its crazy.
Indeed.. One of the many diversions I didn't have time to bring up in this article is perhaps making childcare more affordable could be one small step towards making family life more accessible in America.
The necessity of a dual income is a tragedy. It's so sad that a mom or dad can't afford to stay home to raise a kid if the other partner is only earning an average or moderately above average salary.
One thing the men complaining about modern women don’t acknowledge is that part of that modern mindset means a high income woman will accept a stay at home husband in the U.S. I know some myself. The men aren’t bums. They handle the household duties well and are loved and respected by their wives. One is my brother and he’s president of the PTA at his kids school where he is basically king lol. Everyone loves him and his wife brags about his amazing cooking and how lucky she is.
Always wanted to visit the Philippines. My employer jokes the locals would enslave me as a shrimp fisherman.
Which, compared to living in Baltimore City, doesn't seem all that bad.
My friend, get to the Philippines if you can manage it. A stunningly beautiful country and very easy to travel in since most people speak English.
Just think about how much shrimp those fishermen must eat.
My brother in law married a Philippino woman who is a Canadian citizen. He says he is going to retire there with $100k and SS. Live great near Illio city. Her family well educated, loves him.
If he's retiring to the Phillies with $100k a year he's going to live like a king.
Many of the Asian women I've met are well educated. This was another topic I didn't have time to cover either. My last girlfriend had a master's degree, she had imbibed more university than I!
$100k nest egg and $2k +/- a month from SS. But...he already has family there and a place to live. Biggest beef? Has to put up with sugar ants everywhere. Heck he'll be a step ahead of the WEF by just drinking them with his coffee!
The ants are the bane of my existence here in Asia. I wage a never-ending war against them too, so I can totally relate.
Solid analysis and I would add many men don’t consider that they approach dating in the Western world with a poor attitude and expectation of problems whereas they approach foreign women with optimism and are quick to dismiss bad experiences of others or even themselves as isolated incidents.
I’m married and I avoided all the hassles by using discernment to eliminate low quality potential partners quickly(first sign of entitlement or untrustworthy behavior). Only took my 3rd ever relationship to find my spouse and over 10 years later, we’ve purchased a home, lived as digital nomads and are happier and more in love than ever.
Better to be a Passport Bro than be left struggling to find a traditional woman back home. https://www.passportbro.asia
Go wherever you want but it’s not a struggle if you choose women worthy of your time and energy. OnlyFans girls are getting money from some of the same dudes yelling about traditional wives.
I think more affordable quality childcare is a huge issue and sorely lacking in this country, as you and a reader noted. I also think keep mind in USA there is a social stigma against a parent staying home to take care of a child, be it a man or a woman. Many women love their work and get great gratification from their careers. I know some men who are staying home with the kids when a woman is earning enough income, and they’re very happy. Finally, sometimes you just gotta live where you gotta live. Then you figure it out, but it can be exceedingly difficult in these times, and sadly almost impossible to build savings or eventually purchase a home.
I'm going to live in a van down by the river and survive off a steady diet of government cheese.
As other commenters on this article noted, the inability for one parent to stay is quite sad. It's not the best scenario for the kiddos. And I hadn't even considered the expense of childcare.
America has become a playground for the wealthy while the middle-class falls into obscurity, unfortunately.