Fear is a big component of the Matrix, but it's far from the only one, because actually the Matrix has things engineered to get you both coming and going. There are, for sure, millions of Joes out there, too afraid to take even the most minute risk if it means a shot at achieving happiness. But there are also hundreds of thousands of people out there who are more than happy to take that risk, who are willing to throw over the crappy job and set out on a grand adventure. And our society keeps them contained too, by ensuring their almost certain failure -- but crucially, letting just one or two through the net so they THINK they might succeed. The reality is that society nowadays is heavily stacked against anyone who really is different. It rewards mediocrity and conformity, and punishes vitality and imagination. So you might get published as a writer, but only if you write shallow, meaningless tosh. Or you might make it as a top chef, but only if you go in for cliched and fashionable puff. Or you could become a leading politician, but only if you're willing to lie at every turn. See how it works? Sure, you can follow your dream, but if you want to SUCCEED at your dream, you'd better be willing to sell your soul to the matrix.
Well, that's bleak! Not even sure what my reply would be. I would broadly agree that mainstream "success" is a total mess, but thanks to the internet we can find success with niche communities of thinking people. The other freaks and weirdos who don't believe everything they see on CNN.
I also tend to frame it a little bit differently. I look at it as, there is less competition now for hardworking and clear thinking people to succeed. So many millions of people have hobbled themselves with ridiculous ideologies and filled their heads with nonsense, that it leaves space for the rest of us to more easily catch our own spot of winning.
Is my take right or wrong? Are you objectively more correct? Maybe, I'm not sure, but since we can't decide the day and age we exist in I guess I just choose the slightly more optimistic interpretation.
I mean, I guess it depends largely on how you want to define success. I will admit that my thoughts have been shaped recently by three separate people coming up to me over the last few days and saying a variation of: "You're a bright person, why aren't you doing better in life"? By which they mean, why don't I have a large house, nice car, regular holidays etc. And the only answer I can come up with is: "It's not for lack of trying; I've just never really fit in with the mainstream".
Well Donna, you and me both. I could say all the usual stuff about how the cars and house and granite countertops are all bullshit, and in no way are a true indicator of success, but I suspect you already know all that.
All we can do is set our own criteria for success and then do our damn best to live up to it, the rest of humanity be damned.
Haha yes, we are professional copers. New Substack idea: how to remain happy even though we have wacky lives and all our friends and family members are more "successful" than us
Not psychologically. Containing multitudes of narcissism means they are 100% thinking about themselves & their primal cravings & needs all the time.That's not multitudes. It's just one thing 365/42/7.
I'm 75. Anxious generally but not necessarily afraid except I live in Canada and, you know, Trudeau.
So here's what's working for me. This isn't an ad.
I leased a Mini Countryman with the big engine because I saw a review that said it was a fun car to drive. Maybe I'm not that worldly but apparently there aren't very many reasonably priced small cars with XL engines.
At first, because I live in traffic clogged Toronto, I thought I had made a mistake. But over time I've discovered that I could press on the gas for as little as fifty yards and get an injection of thrill. A little dopamine. A few times a day.
I feel like this is making me happier. And is a way to pierce the Matrix if only a bit.
well hot damn, I didn't you'd actually done it haha you got me good.
still striving to drive a motorcycle? I'm moving back to America next year and I'm pretty close to Toronto. Head down to my place sometime and I'll show you how to drive a bike
I'm confused, do you live in FL or Toronto? Unfortunately I won't be back in the states till June '24. But I really live an easy drive from Toronto, I've done it a dozen times, so if you live there it's no sweat to come down to cross something of the ol' bucket list
Yes, absolutely. Although here's a thought I had while reading his story.
His job was meaningless to him because it enabled no deeper meaning in the other aspects of his life.
I imagined another man in that job though, who was doing it to support his young family. To put food on the table and provide opportunities for his child(s) that they may go further in life and not have to work at a hardware store.
And under those circumstances the same situation could be meaningful. Or, at least more meaningful.
Or not, maybe I'm just being kooky. Idk. But I do think that even the crappiest jobs can be more meaningful if the wage earned from it is being used in a meaningful way.
Jordan Peterson has a version of this which runs something like, whatever you're doing, do it to the best of your ability, and you'll be amazed at how far it takes you.
Seems like we can arrive at another option to pursue escape from a dull, dead-end job: the paradigm shift.
If Joe takes great pride and pleasure mixing paint perfectly and delights in helping his customers, even if his wages are small and the job tedious, he’ll feel happy and accomplished at the end of the day.
I have seen this decades ago in the small villages of my country where tolling away makes people content and happy and looking back nobody was bitter and angry and after a shot of hard alcohol at the end of the day they slept like babies to rise and repeat in the morning.
Social connections were the leading source of longevity when they surveyed countries in the blue zones (Japan, Italy, etc) whose population had a higher percentage of older people.
Indeed. Radically changing your environment certainly means severing connections. I'm intimately familiar with that dynamic. And I guess you are too, if you uprooted yourself from Bulgaria to move to a new country.
I'm semi-familiar with those studies on loneliness. I think that they've found that being alone for extended periods of time is nearly as deadly as smoking. Not good.
I think you're going to like the article I'm writing now and will publish in a few days. It's a review of the book from whence the Joe story comes. And it's about how important social ties are, and how people with good social bonds are a hell of a lot happier on average even if they might not have a good job, etc.
In my experience it comes down to trial and error, and may take years. And while it may not be easy, it is hopefully the case that once you do find that thing you are able to stick with it for life.
It seems to me that the opportunity is to try to combine Jordan Peterson's 'doing everything to the best of your ability' with Marianne Williamson's 'practice being strong and magnificent five minutes at a time'.
I think when the time horizon is five minutes and you know you have a chance to get a dopamine thrill in that time you'll be more willing to give it a shot and possibly, eventually, only twenty-one thrills in the future, get addicted to best/strong/magnificent doing what you're doing already
Never heard of the strong and magnificent idea before, but it sounds cool.
Getting started is always the hardest since there is the least amount of dopamine thrill. If you can persevere through the initial stages, everything gets so much easier.
It might be enough to just start with something you’re curious about. Explore that and see where it goes. It might not be better but if your already miserable what have you got to lose.
I appreciate the suggestion. I have been doing that my entire life. It seems that I am curious about many things but not passionate about any one of them. I guess it makes sense to keep trying.
There is a famous Canadian attraction where a bunch of water goes over a cliff and creates a big spectacle. This spectacle can be viewed from America or Canada, and I'm from the American side, a city named after a big furry animal that a bunch of white blokes took it upon themselves to nearly hunt to extinction.
Spot on. In my personal experience, quitting/getting fired from a job has a 100% success rate of being the best possible thing to happen. Even if the immediate consequences can be scary.
One almost wishes Joe's boss would fire him and that would be the kick in the ass he needs to get the hell down to Florida.
Fear is a big component of the Matrix, but it's far from the only one, because actually the Matrix has things engineered to get you both coming and going. There are, for sure, millions of Joes out there, too afraid to take even the most minute risk if it means a shot at achieving happiness. But there are also hundreds of thousands of people out there who are more than happy to take that risk, who are willing to throw over the crappy job and set out on a grand adventure. And our society keeps them contained too, by ensuring their almost certain failure -- but crucially, letting just one or two through the net so they THINK they might succeed. The reality is that society nowadays is heavily stacked against anyone who really is different. It rewards mediocrity and conformity, and punishes vitality and imagination. So you might get published as a writer, but only if you write shallow, meaningless tosh. Or you might make it as a top chef, but only if you go in for cliched and fashionable puff. Or you could become a leading politician, but only if you're willing to lie at every turn. See how it works? Sure, you can follow your dream, but if you want to SUCCEED at your dream, you'd better be willing to sell your soul to the matrix.
Well, that's bleak! Not even sure what my reply would be. I would broadly agree that mainstream "success" is a total mess, but thanks to the internet we can find success with niche communities of thinking people. The other freaks and weirdos who don't believe everything they see on CNN.
I also tend to frame it a little bit differently. I look at it as, there is less competition now for hardworking and clear thinking people to succeed. So many millions of people have hobbled themselves with ridiculous ideologies and filled their heads with nonsense, that it leaves space for the rest of us to more easily catch our own spot of winning.
Is my take right or wrong? Are you objectively more correct? Maybe, I'm not sure, but since we can't decide the day and age we exist in I guess I just choose the slightly more optimistic interpretation.
I mean, I guess it depends largely on how you want to define success. I will admit that my thoughts have been shaped recently by three separate people coming up to me over the last few days and saying a variation of: "You're a bright person, why aren't you doing better in life"? By which they mean, why don't I have a large house, nice car, regular holidays etc. And the only answer I can come up with is: "It's not for lack of trying; I've just never really fit in with the mainstream".
Well Donna, you and me both. I could say all the usual stuff about how the cars and house and granite countertops are all bullshit, and in no way are a true indicator of success, but I suspect you already know all that.
All we can do is set our own criteria for success and then do our damn best to live up to it, the rest of humanity be damned.
Yes, that's what we'll tell ourselves as we gaze with envy at our friends' granite countertops :D :D
Haha yes, we are professional copers. New Substack idea: how to remain happy even though we have wacky lives and all our friends and family members are more "successful" than us
Nicely done. One minor correction. Narcissism psychology has proven that some do not in fact contain multitudes, or you can take the blue pill.
That's not true! They just contain multitudes of narcissism :D
Not psychologically. Containing multitudes of narcissism means they are 100% thinking about themselves & their primal cravings & needs all the time.That's not multitudes. It's just one thing 365/42/7.
I'm 75. Anxious generally but not necessarily afraid except I live in Canada and, you know, Trudeau.
So here's what's working for me. This isn't an ad.
I leased a Mini Countryman with the big engine because I saw a review that said it was a fun car to drive. Maybe I'm not that worldly but apparently there aren't very many reasonably priced small cars with XL engines.
At first, because I live in traffic clogged Toronto, I thought I had made a mistake. But over time I've discovered that I could press on the gas for as little as fifty yards and get an injection of thrill. A little dopamine. A few times a day.
I feel like this is making me happier. And is a way to pierce the Matrix if only a bit.
Hey mate, I'm with you on the Mini. I've always thought they were cool looking cars. Did you get an auto or manual?
Sounds like a pretty good solution to me. I'm a big fan of nice cars myself, so I get it.
Auto. At my age I gotta be careful how I get my thrills.
Let's get drunk and go skydiving. You in?
Love to. Did some in 70s. Plan to again when grandson is old enough. Wrote this a few years ago https://jeromeshore.blogspot.com/2019/10/my-bucket-lists-so-far.html?m=1
well hot damn, I didn't you'd actually done it haha you got me good.
still striving to drive a motorcycle? I'm moving back to America next year and I'm pretty close to Toronto. Head down to my place sometime and I'll show you how to drive a bike
On my way. In April 2024 Margie and I will be driving from Florida to Toronto. I suppose we could drop in. Where will you be.
My substack
Jeromeshore.substack.com
I'm confused, do you live in FL or Toronto? Unfortunately I won't be back in the states till June '24. But I really live an easy drive from Toronto, I've done it a dozen times, so if you live there it's no sweat to come down to cross something of the ol' bucket list
Joe is lucky in the sense that he’s unencumbered by family or debt... most have both and jumping off of the cliff into a new life is extremely hard
Yes, absolutely. Although here's a thought I had while reading his story.
His job was meaningless to him because it enabled no deeper meaning in the other aspects of his life.
I imagined another man in that job though, who was doing it to support his young family. To put food on the table and provide opportunities for his child(s) that they may go further in life and not have to work at a hardware store.
And under those circumstances the same situation could be meaningful. Or, at least more meaningful.
Or not, maybe I'm just being kooky. Idk. But I do think that even the crappiest jobs can be more meaningful if the wage earned from it is being used in a meaningful way.
Jordan Peterson has a version of this which runs something like, whatever you're doing, do it to the best of your ability, and you'll be amazed at how far it takes you.
Exactly. In the way you do one thing you do everything.
Seems like we can arrive at another option to pursue escape from a dull, dead-end job: the paradigm shift.
If Joe takes great pride and pleasure mixing paint perfectly and delights in helping his customers, even if his wages are small and the job tedious, he’ll feel happy and accomplished at the end of the day.
I have seen this decades ago in the small villages of my country where tolling away makes people content and happy and looking back nobody was bitter and angry and after a shot of hard alcohol at the end of the day they slept like babies to rise and repeat in the morning.
What country are you from?
Bulgaria, left over 25 years ago
Social connections were the leading source of longevity when they surveyed countries in the blue zones (Japan, Italy, etc) whose population had a higher percentage of older people.
Another reason change sometimes is hard.
Indeed. Radically changing your environment certainly means severing connections. I'm intimately familiar with that dynamic. And I guess you are too, if you uprooted yourself from Bulgaria to move to a new country.
I'm semi-familiar with those studies on loneliness. I think that they've found that being alone for extended periods of time is nearly as deadly as smoking. Not good.
I think you're going to like the article I'm writing now and will publish in a few days. It's a review of the book from whence the Joe story comes. And it's about how important social ties are, and how people with good social bonds are a hell of a lot happier on average even if they might not have a good job, etc.
This all assumes that one has found the thing that they have love and passion for. Not an easy task for some of us.
Indeed, I know how hard it can be. In fact my most popular post to date dealt with this subject
https://theunhedgedcapitalist.substack.com/p/the-decision-to-flee-came-suddenly
In my experience it comes down to trial and error, and may take years. And while it may not be easy, it is hopefully the case that once you do find that thing you are able to stick with it for life.
It seems to me that the opportunity is to try to combine Jordan Peterson's 'doing everything to the best of your ability' with Marianne Williamson's 'practice being strong and magnificent five minutes at a time'.
I think when the time horizon is five minutes and you know you have a chance to get a dopamine thrill in that time you'll be more willing to give it a shot and possibly, eventually, only twenty-one thrills in the future, get addicted to best/strong/magnificent doing what you're doing already
Never heard of the strong and magnificent idea before, but it sounds cool.
Getting started is always the hardest since there is the least amount of dopamine thrill. If you can persevere through the initial stages, everything gets so much easier.
It might be enough to just start with something you’re curious about. Explore that and see where it goes. It might not be better but if your already miserable what have you got to lose.
I appreciate the suggestion. I have been doing that my entire life. It seems that I am curious about many things but not passionate about any one of them. I guess it makes sense to keep trying.
Yep
Oh good. We have family there.
Perfect... well sometime next summer if you want to try driving a motorcycle we can make it happen for sure, just let me know
We live in Toronto but go to Florida for the winter. Where in USA will you be?
There is a famous Canadian attraction where a bunch of water goes over a cliff and creates a big spectacle. This spectacle can be viewed from America or Canada, and I'm from the American side, a city named after a big furry animal that a bunch of white blokes took it upon themselves to nearly hunt to extinction.
Spot on. In my personal experience, quitting/getting fired from a job has a 100% success rate of being the best possible thing to happen. Even if the immediate consequences can be scary.
One almost wishes Joe's boss would fire him and that would be the kick in the ass he needs to get the hell down to Florida.